The thing living under Manchester
As readers will no doubt be aware, there have been great societal benefits in many areas since the introduction of the thing living under Manchester. The thing's introduction three years ago was an unprecedented leap in modern infrastructural integration, made possible by the team of government scientists who spent so many years developing it. Our fair city was chosen as the primary test site, and since then the thing living under Manchester has set an example for all other major urban areas. Several cities have been quick to follow suit. Milton Keynes and Exeter have their own things, Birmingham city centre is home to a pilot thing, and, most notably, our close neighbour Liverpool was a quick adopter.
The thing living under Manchester now extends beyond the outermost suburbs of the city into nearby towns, living in the network of cavities laid three years ago and extended ever since. A branch of the thing goes through every single street, and its tendrils, occupying the spaces where once stood lamp posts, are a familiar sight to all residents. The scientists who developed the thing engineered it to meet many of our civic needs. The street tendrils absorb the sun's rays by day, giving the thing one of its primary sources of energy. During the hours of darkness, these tendrils become bioluminescent, providing plentiful, effectively free street lighting, in addition to attracting moths and other insects which the thing can devour as a secondary energy source. Further to this, a strand of the thing runs through every home in Greater Manchester. As the thing is warm-blooded, this provides an excellent source of central heating without the need for non-renewable fuels. This heating is automated and self-regulating, as the thing of course maintains its body at a temperature comfortable for itself (and thus also for residents.)
As has been explained in a previous release, the recent inconsistencies in service levels are due to the thing living under Liverpool. To be more precise, they arise from the situation brought about by the steady expansion of both things. As more tunnels have been excavated for the things to grow into, they have been gradually approaching one another. Last month, due to an oversight on behalf of the Organic Co-ordination Commission, a connection between the two networks was knocked through by workmen somewhere beneath the M6. The consequences of this action could not have been foreseen, as the genetic blueprint for the thing was not specifically designed to factor for an encounter between two organisms. On the 12th October, the things living under Manchester and Liverpool met, and immediately began tunneling into each other. This endeavour has commanded most of their energies, resulting in diminished street lighting intensities and intermittent domestic heating failures. Sadly, in the short term the situation is going to get worse.
At approximately 6:45pm last night, the thing living under Manchester died. The thing living under Liverpool finally found its heart, located beneath the city centre, and disabled it. Within minutes the city streets were plunged into darkness. The thing's body will shortly return to ambient temperatures, and is already being devoured by its killer. Residents of Manchester and its environs are advised to rely on more old-fashioned heating methods for the time being, and all drivers and pedestrians are counselled to exercise extreme caution when on the streets at night. (The motorways, being lit still by conventional means, are not affected.) In particular, more care than usual should be taken around the dead thing's street tendrils, as there is a chance that some of them may collapse. The council will do its utmost to see that the streets remain clear.
Despite the immediate hardship, there is good news. The thing living under Liverpool is now growing at a record rate. As it eats, it will expand to fill the area left by its predecessor. As the infrastructure is already in place, it should not be long before normal levels of service are restored. For this reason, citizens are asked to continue to separate their biodegradable waste, which will be collected as usual and stockpiled for the time being. They are also asked, in a sense, to welcome the thing living under Liverpool - or perhaps, the thing living under Manchester and Liverpool? Life goes on, and people will continue to enjoy the high standard of living they are used to. The outcome of this situation will be instructive for the OCC, as there are plans to develop further forms of organic infrastructure. It is speculated that a thing living under, say, London, could conceivably take care of additional needs such as CCTV, drainage or transportation. Furthermore, any new creature could be developed to be swifter at replacing its obsolete counterparts as its network is expanded. Indeed, there is no reason why Great Britain's infrastructural needs should not one day be taken care of by a single organism.
The thing living under Manchester now extends beyond the outermost suburbs of the city into nearby towns, living in the network of cavities laid three years ago and extended ever since. A branch of the thing goes through every single street, and its tendrils, occupying the spaces where once stood lamp posts, are a familiar sight to all residents. The scientists who developed the thing engineered it to meet many of our civic needs. The street tendrils absorb the sun's rays by day, giving the thing one of its primary sources of energy. During the hours of darkness, these tendrils become bioluminescent, providing plentiful, effectively free street lighting, in addition to attracting moths and other insects which the thing can devour as a secondary energy source. Further to this, a strand of the thing runs through every home in Greater Manchester. As the thing is warm-blooded, this provides an excellent source of central heating without the need for non-renewable fuels. This heating is automated and self-regulating, as the thing of course maintains its body at a temperature comfortable for itself (and thus also for residents.)
As has been explained in a previous release, the recent inconsistencies in service levels are due to the thing living under Liverpool. To be more precise, they arise from the situation brought about by the steady expansion of both things. As more tunnels have been excavated for the things to grow into, they have been gradually approaching one another. Last month, due to an oversight on behalf of the Organic Co-ordination Commission, a connection between the two networks was knocked through by workmen somewhere beneath the M6. The consequences of this action could not have been foreseen, as the genetic blueprint for the thing was not specifically designed to factor for an encounter between two organisms. On the 12th October, the things living under Manchester and Liverpool met, and immediately began tunneling into each other. This endeavour has commanded most of their energies, resulting in diminished street lighting intensities and intermittent domestic heating failures. Sadly, in the short term the situation is going to get worse.
At approximately 6:45pm last night, the thing living under Manchester died. The thing living under Liverpool finally found its heart, located beneath the city centre, and disabled it. Within minutes the city streets were plunged into darkness. The thing's body will shortly return to ambient temperatures, and is already being devoured by its killer. Residents of Manchester and its environs are advised to rely on more old-fashioned heating methods for the time being, and all drivers and pedestrians are counselled to exercise extreme caution when on the streets at night. (The motorways, being lit still by conventional means, are not affected.) In particular, more care than usual should be taken around the dead thing's street tendrils, as there is a chance that some of them may collapse. The council will do its utmost to see that the streets remain clear.
Despite the immediate hardship, there is good news. The thing living under Liverpool is now growing at a record rate. As it eats, it will expand to fill the area left by its predecessor. As the infrastructure is already in place, it should not be long before normal levels of service are restored. For this reason, citizens are asked to continue to separate their biodegradable waste, which will be collected as usual and stockpiled for the time being. They are also asked, in a sense, to welcome the thing living under Liverpool - or perhaps, the thing living under Manchester and Liverpool? Life goes on, and people will continue to enjoy the high standard of living they are used to. The outcome of this situation will be instructive for the OCC, as there are plans to develop further forms of organic infrastructure. It is speculated that a thing living under, say, London, could conceivably take care of additional needs such as CCTV, drainage or transportation. Furthermore, any new creature could be developed to be swifter at replacing its obsolete counterparts as its network is expanded. Indeed, there is no reason why Great Britain's infrastructural needs should not one day be taken care of by a single organism.
posted by Solid Jim at 8:34 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home